Day 1 for both training and diet.
I have to admit, despite my calm, cool facade, I have (more than just) a bit of anxiety about dealing with new situations and groups. I used to consider it social anxiety, but I have come to realize we are all hiding these feelings to some extent. Some of us just hide it better than others. At work, where I am a supervisor, I shared with a new hire who was struggling with first day jitters and shared I felt the same way when I started, and still sometimes feel them. He was surprised since, from his perspective, I seemed to have my act together. Yeah… well… here is a dirty little secret I have discovered time and time again, especially since I started my side ventures as a life coach: people have there shit together much less than you think. We see the facade and assume something must be wrong with us. But I can assure you, there have been times when even high ranking professionals have felt things like the impostor syndrome where they feel they are out of their league. The thing that sets them apart and defines their success is the fact that they don’t buy into those fears. They embrace their vulnerability and go all in. Fake it until you make it, as the cliché goes.
So with all that said, I dare not count the number of times today that I wanted to cancel. I had a slight headache, I had a lot to do at home, work was crazier than usual, it was raining, AND I was stressing the experience. My own anxiety trigger is when there is a combination of having to perform with strangers while being in an unknown environment. I had no idea about even the simple logistics of where to change my clothes. In hindsight, I could have asked for a walkthrough last week when I was there for my consultations.
And so I arrived early so I was not rushed, and I winged it. Yeah, it was awkward while I got situated and waited for class. Then the class began and it was so intense I did not have time to be anxious. Best of all, I know while it may take time for me to be fully comfortable with the idea of going to class, I know it goes quickly and I just won’t have the time or energy to overthink things. That’s what tends to get me. The idea of something. I am always in my head, and while it can fuel my innovative and creative side, it can also beat me up pretty good. At least I know me well enough and try not to cater to my desire to avoid it. There was a time when I was a slave to that, and that was a life of disappointment and shame – of missed opportunities. I still struggle with the anxiety, but with every success, I have that much more incentive to keep on pushing and much less an excuse to give up.
Anyway, the class went well and I was pleased that I was able to keep up better than I thought. Yeah, I took some breaks and lost steam, but I did it, and now I have a new goal: to be able to do the whole routine without the rests. As I walked to my car after the long train ride to my town, I realized something… while my body felt like it had a good work out, I was not exhausted, I felt STRONG.